Hey Julie. Sorry for butchering your text like that  those are just nitpicks actually. Small things that don't really affect the meaning or the flow of the text. I think you did a great job with your Bio

SHE continues... just a small typo

The pendant gets warm/hot ... if you use the passive voice, it means somebody else heats the pendant.

because a powerful/important player. Unless "power player" is an actual title.

THE younger part. We need a definite article if we are talking about a specific part of something.

To marry. We use infinitive in this case.

She got interested in the Study of Ancient Runes. This phrase is what we usually use.

But she acquired them later. I'm not sure what you meant there.

for FIGHTING with two students from Gryffindor. We use continuous form here.

for FLYING at night or nightly flights. Same rule as above.

She could die. We express possibilities with the word "could". Also no need for "that" there.

I think you meant "A year later"?

She thinks she deserves better. Again, no need for the word "that".

IN her 7th year. IN is the correct preposition.

I like your profile Deirdre Hope we can have a lot of fun here.

HE has been aware of his magical ancentry from a young age. The word order there is a bit weird.

In THE early XX century and since then THE Ford bloodline. We use THE when we are talking about specific things.

RespectED families. They are respected by others and respectful towards other families.

GAINED A feeling of... We gather coins, flowers, stamps (countable physical objects)

Has always been. This is the correct order.

Family returned. We use past simple for facts in the past.

paranoid

He never quite understood why. This is the correct order because the modifier always stay in front of whatever it modifies. In this case the verb.

WASN'T there... he is only one boy so we use singular.

TO bring them money. We use infinitive when we have two verbs in a row.

the whole family at the same time for her.

use force. Strength is just physical, you use it to lift things and punch people

AT random or randomly.

THE protection of his sister.

You profile looks quite nice and I think it will be a great idea to have an Auror at the school during the events

Oh yeah, that's what you get after writing your bio in the middle of the night. Thanks for the tips.

Gained still feels wrong in this context. He rather learned by the examples of isolated instances that this privilege existed, so that's what I'm going to use.

It was supposed to be all at once. I don't like the sound of either variation though, so just gonna cut it out.

I would argue that punching people is quite in the character's profile, but yeah, you're right. Just couldn't remember the word. (:

This doesn't sound good at all. Can I bribe someone to get into Hogwarts lol
And if I had a refugee status, would it make a difference? It would be odd if a family with an underage member had fled to UK (and somehow got a visa and stuff) and had no way to legally provide an education for the child.
But I would totally bribe someone to be honest. (:

Last edited by Eliot Ford (Oct 17 2017 20:48:34)

Julie Flint
Thanks. Otherwise I would need to create a whole new timeline.

to be A true Gryffindor. We have to use A/AN when talking about what somebody wants to be.

means being A good person. Same rule as before.

over A hundred toy... with numerals we also need an article.

calls HER accordingly. We need pronoun to know whom are we talking about.

reads some muggle books WHEN SHE has nothing else. When is the correct preposition and again we need pronoun.

WHEN she... probably just a typo.

Hey Christen I like your profile. I didn't really have much to correct and the things that I found are pretty small. Your English level is quite good. Also try not to check your level based on understanding Shakespeare. Shakespeare is very difficult even for native speakers.